Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
