just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
