Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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