lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
