Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
