what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
