I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
