So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
