I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
