Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
