Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
