As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can I color on your dick again?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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