Im at strip club and am horny
My hand turned me down
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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