So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
