i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
