Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
