sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
