She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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