Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
