i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
