hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
