i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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