It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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