just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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