so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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