my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
