A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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