i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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