Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
