I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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