Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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