Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
