tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
