Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
