good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
