mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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