Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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