it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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