Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
