Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
