So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
