She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
