woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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