Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
