so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
