All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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