I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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