i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
