Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
