New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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