I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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