Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
