I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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