she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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