I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
