also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
