a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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