You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
