just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
