whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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