you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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